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Counseling
Meet Mrs. Kelly
I grew up in Parma and now live in Jackson with my husband, Eric. We have 6 kids, 2 dogs (Philadelphia and Kelce) and 1 cat (Anakin, AKA Darth Vader). Outside of work I love camping, traveling, spending time with family and my pets, and following Philadelphia Eagles football. I love working with high school students and helping them manage and succeed in life. I am responsible for student mental and emotional support, Trails to Wellness, 504 plans, Link Crew, Attendance, and Xello (career exploration).
Contact: Email Gwenda Kelly, MA, LLPC
Address: 11500 Warrior Trail
Grass Lake, MI 49240
Office Phone: 517-867-5573
Resources
Social Emotional Learning - Trails to Wellness
Unit 1: Lesson 1
-All teens face difficult situations, feelings of stress, and strong emotions that sometimes make us want to act in unhelpful ways.
-We know from research that if we can improve our ability to manage strong emotions, stressful situations, and relationships, we can be more successful in other areas of our lives, too, such as at school and work.
Social-Emotional Learning: What is SEL and Why SEL Matters
Unit 1: Lesson 2 Mindfulness
-Many teens struggle with feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and having busy schedules. We can often find ourselves thinking about things that happened to us earlier in the day or week, or things that we need or want to do in the future. This can result in our thoughts feeling scattered, disorganized, or overwhelming.
-Mindfulness is a skill that can help us manage our swirling thoughts by putting our attention where we want it and practicing being fully present.
-Sometimes when we are overwhelmed or stressed, our thoughts can be quite negative. We can judge ourselves or our experiences, sometimes without even realizing it. We tell ourselves things like, "This is stupid," or "This is a waste of my time."
-When practicing mindfulness, if you notice any judgements, bring your attention back to only the facts.
-Focusing on the facts helps us train our brain to stay in the moment, not let our emotions take over, and direct our attention where we want it to go.
Video Mindfulness: Youth Voices
Unit 1: Lesson 3: Connecting Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors
-It is important to understand how mindfulness of the CBT model is foundational for interrupting problematic cycles.
-When we face any situation (something we hear, something we see, an interaction with someone else), we have thoughts or interpretations about it.
-Our interpretations shape how we feel and then our feelings drive how we behave.
--Our behavior can sometimes affect the next situation we face by making it better or worse.
-If we can learn to notice and be mindful of this cycle, we can learn how to interrupt it, changing our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors for the better.
*Think of a challenging situation that occurred within the past week. Outline how your thoughts impacted your feelings and behaviors using the CBT model. Did your behavior make the next situation you encountered better, worse, or no different?
Unit 1: Lesson 4: Emotions
Each emotion we have serves a different function.
-Emotions are "hard-wired" and help us to survive, cope, and connect better with others.
-We often describe certain emotions as positive and others as negative. Although some emotions, like anxiety, anger, and sadness may feel negative, all emotions serve a purpose.
-Anger: Can help motivate us; can help us communicate with and influence others; can help us understand what is important to us
-Anxiety: Can alert us of danger or problems; can prepare our bodies to better cope with stress or threats; can save us time in getting us to act in important situations
-Sadness: Can show us what is most important to us; can draw others to us to help us cope
-Happiness: provides pleasure; helps us to connect with others
Even though sometimes our emotions are uncomfortable or intense, all of our emotions serve very important functions for us.
-However, when our emotions are very intense, they can compel us to act in ways that are unhelpful or even hurtful towards ourselves and others.
-The more we can identify our emotions, understand why they're happening, and what they're trying to get us to do, the more we can choose behavior that will actually help us reach our goals.
Reflect: For you, what strong emotion has the strongest action tied to it and is most difficult for you to control? How has acting on this emotion affected situations in which you've been involved?
Unit 1 Lesson 5: Thoughts
-Thoughts that occur quickly, sometimes even without our awareness, are called automatic thoughts.
-We know by now that our thoughts shape how we feel and how we behave.
-Thoughts can be positive, negative, or neutral.
-We also know that we each have different automatic thoughts in the same situation, like when we were told that there was going to be a quiz.
-Our automatic thoughts are not always accurate; some can be extreme, illogical, or unhelpful.
-We know from research that these thoughts fall into patterns, called thinking traps.
-We can learn skills to challenge and change our thoughts if they are unhelpful.
Unit 1 Lesson 6: Unhelpful Thoughts
-We can challenge our unhelpful thoughts and replace them with more realistic, balanced, and helpful thoughts. We call these new, more helpful thoughts, coping thoughts.
1. Use mindfulness skills to notice our thoughts
2. Ask ourselves some difficult questions to determine how true and/or helpful the thought is. Some questions we might as ourselves are:
-What is the evidence for and against my thought?
-What would I tell a friend in this situation?
-What would happen if I didn't believe this thought anymore?
3. Use the answers to those questions to develop a more helpful thought. We want to come to a thought that is more helpful and accurate, but one that we still believe!
Unit 1 Lesson 7: Applying Self-Awareness
-Mindfulness: Purposeful focusing of our attention; focusing on the present moment without judgment
-CBT model: Acycle showing how our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected; our behaviors shape the next situation we encounter.
-Purposes of Emotions: Every emotion serves a function or purpose for us, even if feeling the emotion is sometimes uncomfortable. Anxiety, for example, helps keep us safe.
-Unhelpful thoughts or automatic negative thoughts: Negative and/or tricky thoughts that occur automatically; these thoughts seem true but often don't tell the whole story.
-Challenging unhelpful thoughts: Steps we can take to challenge unhelpful thoughts. Catch (notice the thought), Check (ask yourself questions to evaluate how true/untrue, helpful/unhelpful the thought is), Change (replace the unhelpful thought with one that is more balanced, helpful, and realistic.
Unit 2 Lesson 8: Managing Strong Emotions
Acting on our emotions:
-Sometimes it makes sense to act on our emotions. For example, if we are really in danger and feel afraid, it is important that we run or fight to protct ourselves. If we are watching a sad movie or experiencing a loss in life, it can feel good to cry or reach out for a hug.
Acting on intense emotions
-Sometimes our emotions seem too intense, too uncomfortable, or are making us want to do things that really don't help the situation. For example, if we hit someone because we are angry at them, there could be negative consequences, like being suspended from school or an athletic team; if we hide from something that makes us afraid but isn't actually dangerous (life avoiding giving a presentations), we can miss out on important life experiences or struggle with the consequences, like failing an assignment or class.
-In these cases, instead of acting on our intense emotions, we can use strategies to bring down that intensity. This is called down-regulating - bringing the intensity of our emotions down.
Acting on low emotions:
-Sometimes our emotions or energy are really low, and these feelings make us want to do things that aren't helpful either - staying in bed, not seeing friends, etc. When we feel like this, we can use strategies to bring up our energy or activate us. These are called up-regulating activities.
Acting Opposite of our emotions:
-One way to think about how to change our emotions is to think about what activity or behavior is the opposite of what our emotion is making us want to do.
Unit 2 Lesson 9: Getting Active
https://youtu.be/WVplE1WoA1E?feature=shared
https://youtu.be/3Zkgc0ylFfQ?feature=shared
Unit 2 Lesson 10: Relaxation
What can we do to better manage stress?
-We often feel overwhelmed or stressed because of high academic or athletic expectations, busy social lives, and challenging experiences at home.
-We can also feel stressed because of other aspects of our lives, like romantic relationships, friendships, money, big-life decisions, social justice issues, etc.
-When we feel stressed, we often experience some of the same physical sensations as when we are anxious or worried, such as muscle tension, racing heart, sweating, etc. These physical reactions help us to cope with the stressful event (even though stress feels uncomfortable).
-For example, if we did not feel some stress before a big test, we may not prepare for it. However, when we have too much stress in our lives, or we don't cope with stress effectively, it can be harmful to us in the long run.
-Since we cannot get rid of stress entirely, and we wouldn't want to, we can learn how to positively cope with stress.
https://youtu.be/wmz84pBmLJs?feature=shared
https://youtu.be/Z21Xslddz3Y?feature=shared
https://youtu.be/1Dv-ldGLnIY?feature=shared
Unit 2 Lesson 11: Self-Care
Self-care is a unique set of healthy activities we do for ourselves to care for our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Sometimes we see it in the media as taking bubble baths or shopping, but usually, self-care isn't that glamorous or exciting.
Self-care means regularly doing the things that help us maintain our health, such as getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, taking time to acknowledge our emotions, etc.
-We can use self-care strategies when we are feeling down, irritable, or stressed, and can also use them regularly as a way to maintain our mood and build resilience to negative emotions.
-We can develop individual self-care plans to keep ourselves on track and maintain a positive and stable mood.
-When we are busy with school, sports, friends, etc., it can feel like we don't have time for self-care, but making sure we take care of ourselves helps us to be the best students, friends, athletes, and selves we can be.
People Share Self-Care Routines includes an instance of profanity.
https://youtu.be/VUKPrSMmbzc?feature=shared
Unit 2 Review Lesson 12: Applying Self-Management
Self-Management skills can look many different ways–from managing strong emotions using skills for increasing energy and getting active, to practicing relaxation and meeting our needs with self-care. If you notice that your feelings are strong, uncomfortable, or unhelpful try a self-management skill and see if your feelings change! And remember, taking care of ourselves everyday helps prevent strong, uncomfortable feelings too.
Unit 3 Lesson 13: Identifying My Supports
One way to evaluate the health of a relationship is to consider what thoughts, feelings, and behaviors you notice in yourself during and after your interaction with that person.
Do you have positive and affirming thoughts? Anxious and negative thoughts? Do you feel supported and hopeful? Do you feel anxious or down? Do you feel comfortable saying no or setting boundaries with the person? Do you try to avoid confrontation with them at all costs because it doesn't feel safe to disagree?
Our relationships do not usually fall into flack and white "healthy' or "unhealthy" categories - they fall on a spectrum because there can be a mix of healthy and unhealthy behaviors within any one relationship.
Unit 3 Lesson 14: Empathy
https://youtu.be/1JVN2qWSJF4?feature=shared
"Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It is trying to take someone else's perspective and understand how they may feel or think in a specific situation, even if it is not the same as you. Using empathy is important because it helps us build and maintain relationships with others and helps us understand and interact with people more effectively."
There are 3 key steps to practicing empathy:
1. Listen to understand someone else's perspective and how they are feeling without judging or thinking about what you want in the situation.
2. Remember a time you felt the same or imagine how you would feel in the situation.
3. Show you care by acting in caring ways or saying caring things.
It can be more difficult to be empathetic in some situations than others. We may feel like we can't relate to that person, we may have strong feelings that make us not want to attempt to consider their perspective, or we may feel like we don't have time to question our immediate judgments of the situation. We can use mindfulness to help ourselves work toward being more empathetic, especially when it's difficult.
Unit 3 Lesson 15: Diversity
https://youtu.be/hRiWgx4sHGg?feature=shared
-We all have specific things about ourselves that define us: our beliefs, family structures, genders, sexual orientations, races, ethnicities, interests, etc.
-We all carry biases (negative or positive beliefs), about different aspects of identity. Some of these biases are even outside of our own awareness. Having biases is part of how we make quick decisions as humans, however, sometimes they can be harmful and limiting if we do not catch them.
-Using mindfulness, we can learn to notice our biases and understand more about our own identities so that we can challenge any biases or beliefs that are unhelpful. Doing so will allow us to act in ways that are most inclusive and empathetic to people with different identities and backgrounds.
Lesson 16: Unit 3 Review: Applying Social Awareness
A healthy relationship is formed when two people are supportive, respectful, and honest with each other. Unhealthy relationships typically cause stress or anxiety and do not add value to your well-being; they can impact our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in ways that are unhelpful. A support system is the group of individuals you trust and respect who can help you through difficult times and celebrate with you in good times.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. To practice empathy you must listen to understand someone else's perspective and how they are feeling without judging or thinking about what you want in the situation, remember a time you felt the same or imagine how you would feel in the situation, show you care by acting in caring ways or saying caring things.
Diversity refers to differences between people. These differences include the languages we speak, the ways we communicate, the people in our families, the color of our skin, our religious beliefs, our age, and many other things that make up who we are. Diversity is important because we can learn from the unique experiences and perspectives of people different from us. We can have quick, unhelpful thoughts toward people or groups based on assumptions we make about them that may be incorrect or unfair. When this happens, we can miss out on learning opportunities and the chance to be inclusive of others.
Unit 4 Lesson 17: Establishing Relationships
4 Steps to Making a New Friend https://youtu.be/nBWbALQIqIk?feature=shared
Barriers to New Relationships
-Proximity or frequency: Maybe we aren't around the kind of people with whom we'd like to start relationships. We are far more likely to build relationships with people when we are around them regularly.
-Negative thoughts: If we have negative thoughts about ourselves or others these thoughts can prevent us from approaching new people and working to start new relationships. We also might make quick, negative judgements about others that may keep us from establishing new relationships.
-Fears: Being afraid of things like feeling embarrassed, the other person having negative thoughts about you, feeling uncomfortable, not enjoying yourself, etc., can keep you from trying something that you may want or need to do, like joining a new club or going to a social event.
-Strong feelings: Feelings like feeling jittery, sweating, feeling hot, shaking, etc., can be uncomfortable. We may choose to avoid doing something, like talking to someone new, because of these feelings.
-Lack of skill: Maybe we aren't feeling fear or having negative thoughts, we just don't know what to do!
Unit 4 Lesson 18: Communicating Clearly
Assertiveness is another skill that can help us maintain healthy relationships.
Assertiveness is a style of directly communicating and expressing your thoughts, feelings, and opinions in a way that makes your views and needs clear to others, without putting down their thoughts, feelings, or opinions.
4 Steps to Practicing Assertiveness
1. State the facts of the problem or situation clearly.
2. State your feelings clearly.
3. Directly assert yourself. Don't assume others can read your mind.
4. Remind the other person what is in it for them.
5 Tips to Make Assertive Communication Easier and more Effective
https://youtu.be/vlwmfiCb-vc?feature=shared
Unit 4 Lesson 19: Dealing with Conflict
We know that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are related. We know that our thoughts impact how we feel and behave in every situation. Because we can all interpret situations differently, our feelings and behaviors may be different than others', even in the same situation. This is usually how conflict happens. We don't think about the situation the same way as someone else, we have strong feelings about what happened, and we behave in ways that can be confusing or even hurtful to others. We have talked about a lot of skills that can help us during conflicts already:
-Being mindful of our thoughts and feelings
-Challenging our unhelpful thoughts
-Using empathy to consider another person's perspective
-Communicating directly and assertively
Unit 4 Lesson 20: Maintaining Relationships
There are two major mindfulness skills that can help us maintain our relationships.
1. Pay attention: Pay attention with interest and curiosity to others around you. Have you ever talked with someone who is truly listening to you and paying attention to everything you say? What is it like to be with that person? Stop multitasking; focus on the people you are with. Stay in the present rather than thinking about what to say next.
2. Be non-judgmental: Replace judgemental words with descriptive words. Notice judgmental thoughts about others and let them go. We all make judgments about the moment. Avoid assuming or interpreting what other people think about you without checking the facts.